A better tomorrow.

It’s almost december 31st… 2014’s last day. Finally. It might sound bad, but the truth is, it has been the most complicated year of my life. So far.

But instead of telling you why this has been the most complicated, hurtful, and difficult year of my life, I’m going to write about tomorrow. These last days gave me a new perspective, things happened very fast and I followed my gut. And it’s the best thing I could’ve done.

Tomorrow I plan on giving myself a treat, I plan on doing my best at everything I do, on enjoying my family, the sun, my breakfast, my drinks, my food… I’m planning on smiling a lot, on being the most human being I can be, on spreading happiness and love, on making people around me be happy and comfortable, on listening to my gut and my heart, on doing only what I want to do because I want to do it. I plan on making my business grow more and more each day, creating a happy, creative and healthy work environment. I plan on getting involved, on letting go, on caring and not caring, all at once.

I plan on looking at people as a whole, as the human being & soul they are, as what they like and the way they do what they do and what they love. At how they talk about what they are most passionate about. I plan on being truly passionate about what I love and what I do (or am doing). I plan on always continue being myself, on being authentic, on buying more flowers, on being organized, on traveling more, wandering a bit, on giving myself what I deserve, on working hard, on spending more time with the people that lift me up, on finding silver linings… always.

I plan on finding happiness everywhere. I hope you can do that too.

All my best for 2015. #tomorrow

The year I opened my eyes.

At least through my innocent and naive eyes, everything looked like it was going to be a great year… ah, two thousand and fourteen. New relationship, amazing job, great family, new members in the family (my gorgeous nephew), vacations, and more.

It all started early in 2014, I got involved with the most toxic person I’ve ever met. It’s funny how, deep inside, you know… you always know. But you always hope, too. So, I went in… and got into the most unhealthy relationship I’ve ever been in. I had no clue, but this person was completely damaged… insecure, needy, co-dependent, and more.

At first, everything is pink and lovely. It was amazing, almost as if it were unreal. But then, month number two, something didn’t feel right. It was too soon to be feeling something wasn’t right. I wasn’t happy. My mood was not the same, I was always worried… I carried on with the relationship, with my absorbent and needy partner. Always making me feel not sure about anything, not only in our relationship, but in everything in my life. Making me an insecure and intense person. I was always looking for something wrong, always trying to find out if the person was telling me the truth and being faithful. My trust was broken with this person even before I got into the relationship, only I didn’t quite realize it yet.

This person, didn’t care about me or my life at all. And I couldn’t see it. I had events, compromises, things that I wanted to share with my partner, and they didn’t care. They decided to do as they pleased, and when this happened, I got hurt. It also took a lot of time for me to realize this, because sometimes, we have faith and we try so hard to make things work and make things okay, when what we should really do is end it. We sometimes put commas where dots are needed. We carry on with a relationship, a job, a career, a friend… that only hurts us.

Besides the toxic relationship I had developed with my partner, things at home didn’t look so good. Something happened that made me lose my faith and my trust. Something disappointed me in a way that I will never forget. A day changed my life.

I started going to therapy. I’ve always been in favor of this… some people think it’s only for “crazy people”. But the truth is, not only is everybody in some sense crazy, buy I always find it useful and wonderful to tell my problems to someone who doesn’t know me, or “care” about me, so they can give me a reasonable point of view without a biased opinion. Someone prepared, who will help you sort out any kind of situations that may present in your life… good or bad.

I finally started to notice the “toxic-ness” of my relationship and my partner. But I still didn’t call it quits. I tried and tried to make it work, and the only thing that happened was it made it all worse. I ended up feeling like I was becoming a crazy person. And that’s what my partner did. My partner’s co-dependence made me feel crazy, intense, suspicious… it made me an unhappy person. I dropped 15 pounds in less than two months, I had no appetite. My nervous system broke down. I, literally, got sick. My partner’s illness made me sick.

Things ended pretty badly. Not in a way I usually sort out my problems or situations in life. I was a whole other person. I was scared because I realized I felt like I didn’t even knew myself… I felt I lost myself in the way. And this, is the worst feeling I’ve ever encountered.

After everything happened, the most random people came up to me and said stuff they knew about my partner. Everything had been a lie. My partner talked to other people while we were together, talked bad about me behind my back, made me look as if I were a jealous and controlling partner, which might be true, as my partner was the one that made me become this way. It was the worst feeling… realizing I’d been in a relationship full of lies said to my face. Everything had been a lie. My partner didn’t love me, nos because of who I am, but because my partner couldn’t love me. My partner didn’t know how. The illness is something beyond what I can explain in these words, this person needs attention, needs to feed from different people to not feel alone. And it will be like this forever. Theres a great lack of love in this person that if you can’t or don’t know how to love yourself, it is impossible to be able to love somebody else.

I do not take it personal. It could have been me, or somebody else, or the next… and it would have been the same story. This person doesn’t know how to love. But still, not taking it personal, and removing completely this toxic person from my life, it feels awful. I was hurt. Pretty bad. And even with the situation that happened in my family, the person didn’t care. My partner was going to do exactly the same thing to me.

I was disgusted, having to deal with such a toxic and sick person. Everyone I met through this person has no meaning to me. Everyone was the same. Nobody cared about anyone but themselves… dishonest, arrogant and careless.

I feel liberated, a huge weigh was taken off of me. It’s not easy, I still think about everything that happened and the way it did and I wish I’d listened to my gut months ago. Or even before I got into this relationship.

What’s next? Myself. I still have a lot to work on with myself. I have to work on becoming myself 100% again. Give myself some time, alone… read a good book, walk my dog, enjoy my own company. Be more selective, listen to my gut, get rid of toxic people, stay close to my family, to the people who are nice, honest, and full of love… to the people who have proven to me they are good friends. Do everything with love, take care of myself and my dignity, stay honest, stay creative, enjoy what I do, learn to be by myself. Learn from my mistakes, learn from everything that has happened. Open my own eyes. Life will always be full of triumphs as well as misfortunes. It can be today, it can be about me, a loved one, a friend, a family member, my future children… it can be anything. Dishonesty at work, somebody stealing from me, somebody passing away, somebody or even me getting sick… anything. Life is full of things that happen. It sounds funny, but there is always something going on. Always. And that’s life, we should be aware of this and learn how to handle it and how life works.

But always, staying positive and full of love. There’s no way something can go wrong when you’re full of love. And the most important kind of love is the one you give to yourself first.

I really do hope 2015 will be a better year.

The turkey.

As the holiday season takes off, we start to experience all sort of feelings and emotions that, on one hand, keep us all warm and fuzzy inside, but on the other, make us want to grasp all that we didn’t get a chance to experience throughout this now culminating year. A year, that as we grow older, seems like a flash before our eyes… where our memories seem further than ever and yet our dreams seem to be taking a life of their own. 

Wether we count our blessings or remember our misfortunes and how we lived through them, it’s always an exciting yet fearful feeling we get when we believe we get a chance to start over a new year, full of opportunities and new challenges ready to take over us. And yet, it’s funny how the human being needs a unit of measurement to believe we need to reach certain point to make us feel we’re starting over, when in real life, we can start over whenever we feel like it. Nonetheless, this gives us courage, energy, and ‘a fresh feeling’, that everything will be new. We’re starting over. We can now conquer what we didn’t have time or courage to do before, we can now start that project we talked about all year, we can now decide… wait. What happens when something we yearn is beyond our control? 

Through life and as we grow older, we come to find several things that are completely beyond our control. Things we experience that we want to “get over them” or “don’t want them to end”, but our feelings don’t let us control what to do at that moment. It’s these things, these little moments, that make us appreciate and value what we have in life. The moments we can’t control, but for some reason are able to experience as spectators, are the ones that mark us. And the next day, they all seem like something we can’t grasp anymore. 

Two days away from new year’s eve, try to remember the best things that happened throughout the year. Maybe we weren’t able to accomplish or fulfill certain goals we had, or certain expectations or desires we had… but time’s on our side, after all, it’s just a unit of measurement. 

Happy holidays and may 2014 bring the best to you and your loved ones! 

PS. Buy a jar. From january 1st to december 31st 2014, write down each happy or profound moment you have and put it inside the jar. On december 31st 2014, read all the papers with your 2014 moments and be thankful for them. 

Present tense is where we ought to be.

Many people walk around selling happiness but they never really taste any of it on their own. I’ve recently tried & discovered on my own that the reason why we sometimes have good or bad or unhappy moments or days is all because we’re not living in the present. It’s probably one of the hardest things to do, buy if you really try, I’ve found out that it’s one of the things that in the end has made me experience true inner peace.

One of the easiest ways I have truly felt that I’m here & now, is when I take deep breaths. When I once thought that true love is what gives you happiness (I am not saying this is false) but I remembered something F. Scott Fitzgerald said: “…and in the end, we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.” And even though I believe it does, I also believe that our mind is as powerful as our hearts and the love we can give. But the first love we should give away is to ourselves.

So, breathe in and breathe out. Remember when you had hard times and now they’re just lessons or memories that we’ve already overcome. We should trust that we’re able to survive anything that comes our way. Happy? Of course we’re happy. Look at what’s around you, a wonderful life and a wonderful world. Things could be worse. In this exact moment, we’re healthy, happy, breathing, and living. Let’s embrace it. We’re in this precise moment because this precise moment is where we’re supposed to be. Not ahead thinking about the future, and not behind lingering on to memories of the past. We can’t control neither tomorrow nor yesterday.

Today, right now… that’s all we have. That’s where we should focus or energy on. Our happiness, our smiles, our love, our everything.

…and you’ll see, we’ll all float on okay…


Timing. What a bitch. Seriously. Or am I too late now for everything and everyone?

Why is it that things don’t work out with someone, not because you don’t want to, but because it’s “bad timing”? Later on, you bump into each other again, and once again, it’s bad timing. What does it mean? I know, maybe you weren’t meant for each other, maybe not just yet anyway. Or maybe ever. But why do I feel this way? And why does he feel the same way?

Our choices take us to places, they take us to where we are right now. Choosing is resigning. Because you choose something and at the same time you are not choosing what you didn’t choose. Logic. But why? Why do we choose things in life? What if we make the wrong choice? Is there such thing?

I am in a position where I wasn’t the choice, but at the same time, I am still the “what if” or “what could’ve been” of that person. Is it karma? Did I ever do this to someone? I must’ve. I just found out today that it has happened to me twice. The moment I’m ready to choose you, you’re gone, you can’t… and I’m still your ‘what could’ve been‘. Is that even possible? When did I not take the right opportunity? When did I go the wrong way? Or did I? Or am I waiting for “better timing“? Or a better person?

I’d like my heart to stay naive.

They say overthinking kills you. I’ve done some of this lately and I’ve  come up with some good conclusions about life and people and how people react to certain circumstances. After analyzing this, I’ve found out things that now make me happier and make me understand certain behaviors in a better and clearer way.

When we’re in a certain point in any kind of relationship with someone, we start to wonder, why we’re there and if we’re truly happy. Sometimes this might take days and you quickly put yourself in a better place, but sometimes it can take months or even years. I had to find a way to quickly pick up red lights that would make me analyze events and people so I can decide to leave or stay.

My last story was one where I left. I’ve got to understand that people talk and people lie. I used to be the kind of person that whomever I met instantly had my trust, until they proved otherwise. Now, it’s the other way around… gain my trust, and you can have me… and I will believe in you and trust you forever. This changed because I got hurt a lot. My heart and my feelings are always intense, wether it’s good or bad news… they’re intense. My heart works in weird ways, but the best part is, even if I get truly hurt, I am able to love really hard again. I believe this is wonderful, I admire my heart for it. Although it might get crushed a million times, it still gets up and gives everything… and when it does, it’s amazing.

My heart got crushed recently. Why? Because people talk. People build up a whole castle with words and intertwine you in their stories. But when they act? Nothing makes sense. Their actions do not match their words. But words… words are powerful, possibly the most powerful drug used by humans. Like Depeche Mode once sang: ‘words like violence, break the silence, come crashing in into my little world, painful to me, pierce right through me… words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm…’

It’s the actions that count. Yes, I know, stupid cliché ‘actions speak louder than words’. Never in my life had this bean clearer.

You met me, you wrap me around your wits, you discuss life, death, and the shortness of life itself, you tell me: “I’d say I’m in love but it’s too soon…”, and then… then you leave. I never said anything, I never expected anything, but after a bunch of meaningless words, you made me expect something. But suddenly,  no one’s ready for commitment, for truly being with a person who makes them feel like no other person has made them feel… of course, I write all of this, and I say to myself: ‘well it was all a lie, can’t you see? Everybody lies. Haven’t you understood how this all works?’ No. I haven’t, my heart is caring, it’s naive even after it gets hurt. My heart wants to love like it’s the first time I’ve fallen in love. It wants to feel butterflies like it’s 15 years old. And although it builds expectations and feelings higher than the sky and then bellyflops again on the ground, it recovers. Maybe not with you, but it does. And I’m happy it does. For when the right person comes, I’ll know, and my heart won’t be a beaten up heart, thrown and broken a thousand times. No. It will be a caring, lovely, and naive one. Ready to love like it’s the first time.

I analyzed this person completely. After everything that happened. Words are supposedly a big part of you and your life. You define yourself as a deep and profound person, as a person that has a way of perceiving how fast life ends… all because you couldn’t let go of past events. Life is all about learning to let go. You’re a person who supposedly gives themselves away when they truly like or love someone. These words all turned out to be false when you acted. I came to think, you weren’t even happy. An unhappy person can bring you down. You had to escape your every days by running away and shutting yourself down while riding a bike on the mountains. I know, lovely. And you must’ve seen the most incredible views… but I wouldn’t say that was an escape, I’d say: ‘that’s a wonderful way to clear my head and feel free.’

Why do you have to escape your life everyday? What is so wrong with your life that you have to run away? I would concentrate on making my life amazing, a life I didn’t have to escape from. A person who is like this will think of all the bad things that may happen even before anything – good or bad – has yet happened. They see the greatness in you but immediately think about the worst that’s gonna happen. So they back off. Because it’s safe, because it looks safer.

I know why you didn’t have a chance to stay with me. You’d bring me down, you would have drowned me. A person who isn’t happy with themselves cannot be happy with somebody else.

Surround yourself with positive, happy, and successful people. Make your life wonderful. Make your present wonderful. You’re HERE right NOW. It’s the only moment you have. Seize it (I know, another cliché). Seize it, because it’s the only thing you have right now. You can’t live from your past or wondering what the future might look like because you don’t know what the future will bring and you can’t control the past. But you can work on today so one day when you’re in you’re future and you look back you’ll have truly wonderful memories.

For a minute there I thought you’d stay.

They say we’re the sum of all the people we’ve met, might as well just add your bit there. I’ve realized you bump into many people throughout your life… some appear, and after a short or long while, they disappear. Some time after they disappear you begin to understand why they were in your life at some point. Some keep re-appearing for some reason. And many don’t ever cross our paths. 

It’s like six degrees of separation. We’re so close to knowing every single person in the whole world. The friend of the friend of the cousin of the boyfriend of the friend, who by the way, appeared in Ocean’s Eleven

About 12 different persons and three different countries led me to you. Where do I even begin? You were a person who touched me although I never fully trusted you… unfinished love. I think about you often and hope you’re well and happy.  Sometimes I remember our moments as if it were yesterday… your bad temper, your good taste in music and food, the way you looked at me, your silent way of doing things, your lack of communicating, your hugs… 

You were one of those who appeared and disappeared, but left a bit of yourself in me. Since day one I knew this would happen, but I was still up for it. You were another person when you were with me, someone you wanted to be but not quite who you were. It was because of you that I stopped in Seville, in the middle of a street that had your last name, soaked by the rain, hit by hail, with an umbrella given to me by the people sitting next to me at the bullfight earlier that day… to freeze time. Rain, hail, Seville, bulls, cold, and you. You who came in and out of my life. 

You, who perhaps if you hadn’t come in and out of my life like you did, wouldn’t leave room for others to come in and out of my life later on… and perhaps a certain someone whom I’d like for him to stay. 

Y tu, ¿qué te llevarás?

Son raros los momentos en que te das cuenta de las cosas que realmente importan. Por que en ocasiones puede ser que lo que más importa es pasar un examen o una materia, llegar a tiempo a una cita de trabajo, decir las palabras correctas, llegar temprano a casa, enviar un correo importante… entre muchas otras cosas. Pero hay momentos en la vida en que se presentan situaciones totalmente fuera de nuestro control, que nos hacen ver lo poco que vale todo lo demás que nos importa. Que hacen que todo esto, desaparezca.

Un día todo parece ser normal y al día siguiente hay que correr al hospital por que un ser querido esta en cuidados intensivos. Es sobre todo interesante, cuando esta persona es de la tercera edad. Llevas toda una vida siendo el hombre fuerte, la figura paterna, a quien le tienes miedo, quien es un hijo de la fregada, al mismo tiempo es a quien quieres y adoras, quien ha formado a tu padre/madre tal como es, y gracias a ellos estás tu, tal como eres. Pero ver a esta persona tan fuerte, en un momento tan débil… te quiebra. En un momento tan fuera de las manos de cualquier ser humano sobre la tierra. Las ventanas al alma, te muestran miedo y nervios. Y es que cuando crees que estás cerca de la muerte, es cuando te das cuenta que nunca importó lo que los demás pensaban de ti, que nunca importó competir con el de al lado, que no venía al caso hacerle la vida imposible al vecino, que no había razón para hacer sentir menos a alguien… que no había necesidad de enojarte tanto. Que no había por que tener vergüenza o por que sentir que ibas a fracasar. Pero cuando estas cerca, quizá ahora es demasiado tarde para haber valorado otras cosas.

Creo que jamás sabremos ser hijos hasta que somos padres y jamás sabremos ser padres hasta que seamos abuelos. Igual creo que sucede con la vida, la disfrutas y la vives al máximo, pero es cuando estás llegando al final cuando realmente te darás cuenta todo lo que la vida realmente es.

El ser humano es un ser curioso, apenas le dan una probadita de lo que puede hacer con su cerebro y destruye todo… hiere, miente, roba, compite, lastima… y para darnos cuenta de todo esto que hacemos, tenemos que esperar un momento crítico… ¿por qué?

¿Por qué tenemos que esperar un momento así para reunir a toda la familia? Y luego tienes que estar ahí parado junto a tus familiares con cara de hipócrita fingiendo estar interesado en qué coño trabaja tu primo y su esposa que sólo has visto el día de su boda. Qué curiosos seres somos.

Y luego te das cuenta, que a pesar de todo lo que alguien puede tener, al final todo se reduce a la salud y la gente que realmente te aprecia y tienes al rededor de ti genuinamente. Al final el rey y peón van en la misma caja. Todos somos iguales. Es el poder que nos da nuestro cerebro para convertirnos en juzgadores, clasificadores y estereotipadores de los demás. De todo ser que no sea tu. De toda persona que no tenga lo que tu tienes, que no viaje lo que tu viajes, que no estudie donde tu estudies, que no viva donde y cómo tu vives.

No hay que esperar estos momentos. Ojalá estén muy lejos de nosotros. En vez de esto, veamos cuidadosamente qué estamos genuinamente haciendo con nuestras vidas. ¿Estamos disfrutando? Dar al otro es el más elevado nivel de vida. Amar y apoyar al otro. Vivir en armonía… todos somos iguales. Quizá unos corren con más suerte que otros, quizá unos toman ciertas decisiones que los llevan a mejores sitios. Pero al final, cuando todo se reduce a la salud, ¿qué te llevarás de la vida?

Con tu mano me quiero quedar.

El sábado fue un día vulnerable. Así hay días. Pero las conclusiones fueron realmente buenas. Éste día reunió más de mil cosas y reunió a todas las personas con quienes me topé de un año para acá. Todo hizo sentido. Todas las teorías a las que llegamos ése sábado, todas las conclusiones y pensamientos… todo.

Obviamente todo tiene que ver con ellos. Ellos los hombres, ellos los caballeros, ellos los patanes, ellos los amigos, ellos los amigos gays, ellos los compañeros, ellos los clientes, ellos los hermanos… ellos… todos ellos. Los que te dan consejos, los que te tratan como reina, los que no, los que te chiflan, los que te piden, los que te dan, los que te escuchan, los que no, los que te besan, a los que les importas, a los que no, los que recuerdas, los que te olvidan, a los que olvidas, los que hablan mucho, los que toman mucho, los de buen gusto, los de mal gusto, en fin, ellos.

A veces prefiero un perro.

¿Cómo es posible que un ser pueda cambiar tu estado de ánimo? Hay gente más susceptible a estos cambios, hay gente que su felicidad depende de las acciones y reacciones de los demás. Suerte para mi, yo no soy así. Pero este sábado vulnerable, vaya que la perdí. Por fin me doy cuenta que mi vida ha tomado un camino en donde estoy lista para establecerme y tranquilizarme, para tomar control, para seguir mis sueños, pero compartirlos con alguien más. (aquí es donde todo ya está mal, pero bueno, al fin somos humanos).

Hay todo un sistema de cortejo que mis colegas y yo simplemente no logramos entender. Qué bueno que tengo un hermano, pues me puse vulnerable a platicarle mis historias – que seguro el piensa que son patéticas, además de que cada semana o mes le llego con una historia distinta con otro patán igual – terminé llorando, desesperada por no lograr entender a esa especie tan rara que proviene de Marte según leí en alguna ocasión. Sorprendido al nivel de desesperación que llegué, que quebré en llanto, me comenzó a explicar este curioso e interesante mundo de los hombres…

Todo es un juego, ¿será? sólo que hay que saber cómo jugarlo con cada quien. Como en cualquier juego o deporte, cada quien tiene su manera de hacerlo. Al principio eres tonta, pero vas agarrando experiencia, aprendiendo de ‘juegos’ pasados y llega un punto que ya tienes el manual más leído que la Biblia. Y como una frase que me gusta:

“You have to know which hands to shake and which hands to hold.”

Debes de saber qué manos solamente saludar y qué manos tomar y mantener. Y es que esto es muy cierto, ahora hemos llegado a un punto en que es más importante casarte – con quien sea – que verdaderamente enamorarte y ser feliz. Hemos llegado al punto en que es más importante quién es tu papá, cuál es tu apellido, cuánto dinero ganas al año… que quién realmente eres, qué te define, qué te apasiona, qué te asusta y cuáles son tus sueños. Pero bueno, sin desviarnos mucho del tema, me di cuenta que te abre mucho los ojos platicar este tipo de cosas con alguien del sexo opuesto, escuchar la opinión de alguien del otro ‘clan’. Pero sobretodo, lo importante es, no perdernos a nosotros mismos cuando estemos buscando a una persona para compartir nuestra vida, no tenemos que quedar bien con nadie, ni jugar juegos con nadie. La persona indicada será aquella que nos quiere tal como somos, sin necesidades de querer hacernos cambiar nuestra manera de ver las cosas, de comer, de dormir, de vivir, de reaccionar… y ya llegará, ya llegará esa persona que tanto esperas.

Los chocolates Godiva junto a mi cama.

Todo comenzó en España.

España, país que robó mi alma, aunque mi corazón pertenezca a otro sitio o persona (cuando llegue su momento). Me enamoro de ciudades, es una locura. Quizá suene raro pero de vez en cuando mis ojos necesitan un aire diferente al que están acostumbrado a sentir, y es aquí cuando siento la urgencia y necesidad de salirme a explorar otros sitios. Cualquier ciudad me puede enamorar, vaya que si de amor se trata, hasta una gasolinera puede ser romántica… pero si hay que elegir, sería Paris. No, no. Sería un lugar que aún no conozco.

Lo más interesante de las ciudades, son las personas que caminan por sus calles. Cada uno tiene tantas historias detrás de la apariencia que proyectan, detrás de la manera en que caminan, detrás de la ropa que traen puesta, detrás de las ventanas al alma que los permiten seguir adelante.

Era de noche, llamé a un par de amigos para ir por unas copas. En este sitio, siempre hay alguien nuevo a quien conocer, alguien quien te cuente sus historias, que dejarán sus huellas en ti por un determinado tiempo, según estas historias te hayan impactado. Y es que no hay nada más interesante que escuchar a alguien hablar de historias guajiras que dudarás más de un cuarto de hora si son ciertas o no.

Pues este personaje vivió casi al borde de la muerte cuando trabajaba en el gobierno español. Pero no comenzó con estas líneas la historia. Yo estaba dándole tips y consejos a una amiga que apenas iba llegando a este magnífico pero misterioso país. Le contaba cómo identificar a las personas y cómo utilizar el lenguaje sin que cometiera errores vergonzosos por confundir palabras de español de España y español de México. El siguiente momento, pasa cerca un hombre con patillas hasta las mejillas, de una manera – no muy educada – apunto y le digo a mi amiga ‘ese hombre te lo puedo apostar que es sevillano’.

Pues el sujeto se habrá dado cuenta de todo. Prometo que mi madre si me enseñó a no señalar y apuntar en público, seguro ya traía yo un par de copas encima.

“Has dicho algo acerca de mis patillas, eh?”

Pues sí, si lo había dicho y ahora tenía que dar yo una explicación. Y sí, era mitad sevillano mitad vasco. Este vasco-sevillano me llevó a pasear por todo Madrid durante mis 15 días de estancia en épocas decembrinas. Me enseñó cada rincón, cada decoración navideña, algunos sitios que aún no conocía yo (y otros le enseñe yo a el, que el no conocía… me dijo que tengo buen gusto) sí, como cuando lo llevé al Ten Con Ten. Me llevó por churros y chocolate caliente, estilo Madrid. Parece más betún que chocolate líquido… es delicioso, le das un trago y seguro acabas en el hospital con diabetes.

Fueron unos días mágicos, irreales, conociendo cada esquina del cerebro de este ser. Qué vidas tan diferentes llevamos, que paseos interminables caminamos, que rincones madrileños me enseñaste… me enseñaste a comer gambas como jamás lo había hecho yo. A tomar vino todos los días, me contaste secretos de tus amistades, de tu familia y de tu vida. Me decifraste completa en menos de 2 horas. Me hiciste sentir magia que jamás había sentido. Me cuidaste como si fuese yo una pequeña niña. Me diste Colacao… el Nesquik Español. Me diste un cepillo. Me diste dos fotografías, una que cuido casi bajo llave en un cajón y otra que llevo en mi cartera. Me conociste feliz, abierta, con frío, con calor, con copas encima, en mis momentos filosóficos, en mis momentos tontos, en mis momentos chiflados, en mis momentos de niña pija, en mis momentos de niña sencilla, en mis momentos de niña que lo da todo por amor.

Me entregaste una caja de chocolates Godiva antes de que me regresara a mi país, y nombraste a cada chocolate después de ti mismo. Comía uno cada noche justo cuando regresé. Me pregunto si sabrás de todo esto. Me pregunto si sabrás de qué manera cambiaste mi vida. Me pregunto si te preguntas lo mismo que yo. Recuerdo como si fuese hace menos de una hora el momento en que me iba y me ayudaste a subir mis maletas al taxi. Y que me pediste que te diera algo mío para que no me olvidaras. No traía nada encima más que el puto chango de mi maleta de mano Kipling. Lo quité y te lo di. Se llamaba Marcello. Me pregunto si aún lo guardas. Me preguntó si algún día sabré de ti. Me preguntó si de vez en cuando piensas en mi… y en los chocolates Godiva que tenía junto a mi cama.